The Mandala Project (Mandala #1)

Following up on my last post concerning The Mandala Project, here is the first entry…TMP1DeclensionErgo

I apologize for the poor webcam quality, that is all I have at the moment.

The first sketch begins to take on a “no smoking” sign though it is rather affirmation for the smoker that I am. Beneath the overlapping sign is a pile of ashes and thus we already have a meaning full outline of the symbol of a snow angel or keyhole.

Within the slash of the no smoking sign is the word “Declension” written upside down, mirrored, diagonally from upper right to lower left. This forms the center of the mandala which is now comprised of two semicircles as the slash divides them. One sky is present within both semicircles. In the bottom right semicircle there is an exclamation mark, a symbol which has taken on significant meaning to me. This semicircle contains the cloud of the one sky. The upper left semicircle contains more clouds and diagonal lines, parallel to the slash, in the bottom corner. Towards the upper area of this section is an opened mouth smiling face akin to an emoji. The emoji is also slanted towards the slash of of “DECLENSION” but not at a parallel angle. The eyes are not exaggerated to the cartoon effect of full circles like those in an emoji, much more like normal eyes instead though inside are all white with no pupils. There is face paint, most noticeably around the eyes, resembling corpse paint as used by black metal artists. However, the design derives more significantly from the monstrous being in the anime Ergo Proxy. The design on the face of that being can be reproduced into corpse pain, though with a smile that can also resemble “Juggalo” or wicked clown paint. The upper right of the faces branches off into something like ribbons, also derived from this being. In writing this, I am struck with the coincidence that there is a song by Ugly Casanova called “Smoke Like Ribbons.” The face was thought of as burning off those ribbons. At the top of the slash, just outside the mandala, there is a fire. The fire takes on the burning end of a cigarette, unintentionally, and likewise the cigarette does go into “declension” as it is burned. There is something dripping or melting underneath the fire where there is also a miniature no smoking sign. The miniature symbol fractalizes the mandala. Two designs proceed from both sides of the miniature symbol forming a design in the frame of the circle itself. The leftward design, around the upper semicircle is something like ll 0 ll 0 ll 0 ll 0 ll, and ends with an exclamation mark ! before the last letter of DECLENSION. The pattern actually symbolizes an online IGN and username which I’ve been fond of having for years — “afeuicoku” (a-F-e-U-i-C-o-K-u.) The letters in between each ordered vowel spell the “F word.” Now back to the miniature no smoking symbol, to the right proceeds another design of geometric shapes. They countdown, the first shape being a symbol of eight and then so on down to one and then are followed by two crossed question marks. However, I completely forgot the symbol for six, which would have been a unicursal hexagram. The question marks are reminiscent of those little things I’ve seen Pharaohs with and on their sarcophagi. This Pharaoh symbol is directly in the bottom middle of the circle. It may be coincidental that the countdown consists of eight characters, which pertain to the username I use newly — azefeari (eight characters.) Moving outside the circle, on the top and slightly off center to the left we have the binary composition with a strike-through — 101010101 representing afeuicoku, and that I no longer use it. Lightning is striking from the upper left. Along the right is an eye with a little mandala as the pupil, underneath the eye is written, with each word placed above the next, “what do you know?” That is a lyric from the A Perfect Circle song “The Mission.” In the upper right there is a little snake, it symbolizes Kundalini though only the coiled aspect of Kundalini not as a serpentine energy. It loops around the end of its tail, the loop forming a reptilian eye slit within, and the snake curves towards the upper right of the page with his forked tongue towards it. It is interesting that the tongue is split in two much like the Mandala is divided “right in two.” That is the name of a Tool song, the band which I believe initially sparked my interest in Jung. To finish the mandala, at the bottom beneath the pile of ashes, is the word Ergo (therefore), which I had to ponder on before deciding what word to write, I am satisfied with this decision.

I took on this drawing with Zen or a lack of contrivance. Much of the meaning did not take place in my mind until after the drawing was finished and reflected upon. The whole “no smoking” concept and all was seemingly unintentional, which brings light to the articulations of the unconscious or subconscious process, purely synchronistic.”

Edit: I now realize it was significant that the six symbol was left out. I recently drew a “no” symbol around a hexagram. Not an antisemitism advocate, but I have a bit of a history of defiance of Israel, also that the hexagram is used by sheriffs as a deputy star..!

Also just realized the “no” symbol here is backwards, and I tried not to do that…

The Mandala Project

I am somewhat a fan of [psychology of] Carl Jung. Reading his reluctantly written autobiography Memories, Dreams & Reflections, I was fascinated by the eidolon shadow I was musing in as it cast over me. One chapter discussed his application and observation of mandalas. He drew his self, ever-changing, onto paper and noticed a peculiar or conspicuous resemblance of “self” in the framework of a mandala. Being a sort of graph of self on paper, it could be like making one’s own Rorschach ink blot.

I have followed suit, I begun making my own mandalas in an unruled composition book (blank pages.) Results took place very quickly, and were uncanny. This a patient undertaking anticipation of min to fill this book with “art.”

However, Jung himself made indignant comments against “art” being what he was doing. It was not done for beauty, esthetic pompousness, but rather for empirical discovery of the psyche, the occurrence of the self.

Within my first mandala I discovered profound and unwitting pertinence and meaning. I drew the mandala, haphazardly, and was stirred by what it meant and how this content arose from the “unconscious.”

Synced Unconscious + Conscious

Unconscious thought preceding conscious thought resulting from unconscious presence of an object. An object, abstract or concrete, pertaining to that thought. Though not recognized in its presence until contingent recognition, notice, of the pertaining object which doesn’t take place until after the initial thought…

I have noticed that there are peculiar instances of thought of a coincidental nature. For example, lets say you think, of waterfalls, upon walking into a room; there is a picture of waterfalls on the wall yet you take no conscious notice of it until maybe afterwards. Could this unconscious presence of a waterfall picture have any pertinence to the origin of the thought, of waterfalls, upon walking into the room? I think this is [obviously] plausible, and evidently so. After beginning to notice this subliminal causality I began noticing it more and more. Somewhat of a “synchronicity” can sometimes revolve around such presences and instances…


Q: Do dreams Defy Reality (no A)

Could dreams represent the infinite and the negation of “impossibility?” Could this “virtual” reality be an evident expression of the infinite potentiality of reality? Could this potentiality be actualized in the reality that is the consistency of everyday life? Could there seldom be an occurrence, that is similar to the characteristic of impossibility defying dreams, in reality or “this world.” Could, for example, my environment shift to a different one that is dreamlike but still objectively real? This reality, as we know it, could just be a current state of many other possible states, dynamic laws only being dreamed…



Waking Up

Whenever I just wake up, I am not aware as I am later. Sometimes I still have some perception of the dream I was just in as I wake up. Sometimes parts of my body are numb and I cannot sense those parts or control them. Time must be taken in order to wake up.

Now just imagine… What if I’m not fully awake yet? Look around you, all those things that seem to be numb to you… you cant tell what that person is thinking, you can’t feel what a pet you might have is feeling… We’re all leaves of the same tree, but our consciousness is stuck in one leaf…

That is an interesting thought to me.


Okay so I’m going to talk about a race of beings called reptilians. They are sort of like aliens, but I think they’re not. I think they inhabited the earth before any human ever did. Reptilians look exactly like humans, except they have a hidden set of teeth below their jaw. They can also shapeshift into anything. The reason for this is because they are God’s chosen people. They are angels. They are everything. They are You. They eat exactly what humans eat. I also wouldn’t doubt that some of them eat humans.I’m going to talk about how I encountered and learned so much about Reptilians. Dextromethorphan Hydrobromide was on my mind, I had been tripping on it for 4 months. On 4th of July, 2014, I reached the 4th Plateau of this drug for the first time. I was in Destin, Florida on the beach where I hallucinated fireworks and sand was swirling all around me. I also lost my glasses, and the star rearranged into cubic lines. I was vomiting unicorns and rainbows all over the beach. When I reached my sisters house, I couldn’t tell that it was the right house, and I thought I broke into it. My mother began yelling at me and accusing me of being on drugs. I had been doing a lot of kundalini yoga at the time, my kundalini energy was burning within. I then got committed to a mental hospital by a cop who was my friend in a different person’s body. When I woke up I had become sober. But I had witness so many miracles. Everything was ridiculously covered in synchronicity, and I felt like I was God. Moving on, when I woke up, there was a man and a nurse hovering above me, calling me Maksymilian, which is my middle name. One of these person’s name was Thomas Richie, my name is Tomasz too. Tomasz Richie was the first reptilian I had known I met. We were in conversation, his breath smelt like bear. I asked him if he had been drinking, he said no, then he showed me in his mouth a huge alcoholol-soaked wad of of gum. Under which he showed me his hidden said of teeth and then told me he was a reptilian. The’re were drawings all over the walls that I couldn’t remember drawing, and when I thought it was okay to draw on the walls but I got in big trouble for this. There was a picture of a mushroom in pencil, Thomas Richie wiped it and it morphed into an  image of the godhead by alex grey. Later that day, Thomas walked up to me, said “I prayed for rain today” and almost immediately it began raining sunshowers. He also got out the exact same day I did, He said he was born in the fountain of youth, and that he was 150 years old. He pulled me out in the hallway, asked me if I believed in aliens. My mind paused, I shook my head yes. Then he told me that aliens were everywhere, only if I see it that way. There’s a lot more magical stuff to talk about on this subject. But this will do. Amen.